"How are you?"

There are a lot of people who are introverted or otherwise deep personalities who say they are annoyed by smalltalk and want to talk about the stuff that really matters. And I don't want to question that we have to talk about the stuff that matters, in reallife, not only on the internet. But who is gonna decide what matters?

And are you really sure most people are not trying to talk about it?
I think a crucial thing here is the phrase "How are you?". Of course, a lot of people will mean it superficially, only interested in what you have done in the real world, your physical health, or even just wanting to seem nice or polite. But does that mean we shouldn't use it and shouldn't give it a try? Because "How are you?" is, to me, THE phrase that actually matters in an open conversation. Seen as a whole, it asks "How are your relationships going?", "What have you been thinking about lately?", "What are the things that bring you joy?", "What are your biggest worries these days?", all at the same time, letting you choose which one to answer. Or short: "What do you have to say about what matters to you?". And that's awesome.

I think we're underrating the potential of "How are you?". Of course, you will not always be able to share everything immediately, maybe because you're shy, maybe because the other person knows basically nothing about your area of interest and you don't know where to begin. But even if you're not able to share yet, if you feel that they mean it, it will still give you the message that someone cares. And I think that IS something that really matters.